


I Remember All the Lies You Could’ve Told and Did

by ZadieWrites



Series: My Pre-Canon Content [5]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, F/M, Foreshadowing, Implied/Referenced Menstruation, Nightmares, Pregnancy, This fic also heavily references Uther’s deal with Nimueh, and both Uther and Nimueh lie to her about it, drinking while pregnant, just so much angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-18 13:06:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29368974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZadieWrites/pseuds/ZadieWrites
Summary: Shortly after Uther makes the deal with Nimueh, the universe starts giving Ygraine recurring dreams in which Uther kills her, in an attempt to warn her.Ygraine goes to Nimueh about it, and when Nimueh can’t sufficiently answer her, Ygraine turns to alcohol.Uther comforts a drunken and distressed Ygraine. He tells her he would never kill her. He thinks he’s telling the truth.
Relationships: Past Ygraine/Nimueh, Ygraine de Bois/Uther Pendragon (Merlin)
Series: My Pre-Canon Content [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1977820
Kudos: 3
Collections: Merlin Bingo





	I Remember All the Lies You Could’ve Told and Did

**Author's Note:**

> As the tags say, this is a fic that heavily features alcohol, please be warned. It was hard for me to write due to trauma.
> 
> This fic was created for the Merlin bingo, for the prompt “Confession in a desperate situation”.

Ygraine woke up with a gasp. That was the fifth dream about it in a row. 

She ran a hand across her chest and collarbone in an attempt to slow the pounding of her heart beneath. Worst of all, her husband was off hunting so she couldn’t use him for comfort. Though his presence might make it worse, given the content of the dream. 

After a while, she sat up in the bed and started to get ready to take on the beast that was another day as a member of a royal court. 

Ygraine had been having a series of recurring nightmares in which her husband murdered her. She’d had absolutely no idea what could prompt such a thing and at first thought it might have something to do with her drinking so frequently before bed. After all, it’s not like she thought that was plausible. Even as often as they argued he’d never been violent towards her. 

Certainly not to that point, if she felt he ever would be. 

~

“I’ve been having . . . a few most strange dreams, Nimueh.” Ygraine told the sorceress as they conversed that day in the hallway. 

“Really?” the other’s blue eyes flicked up to look at her. 

Dreams were known as sources of wisdom and prophecy among the high priestesses, Ygraine knew. 

“I . . . don’t wish to alarm you. Or anyone who . . . might be listening.” 

Nimueh glanced around and put a hand around Ygraine’s waist. 

“Tell me in the language of my religion then. The one I taught you.” Nimueh expressed.

_“. . . in the dream Uther kills me.”_

Ygraine expressed. She hadn’t spoken that tongue in a while, not since she and Nimueh would share whispered love confessions under sheets when she was still a knight and Nimueh not yet a priestess. Yet it flowed naturally from her lips as if she was born speaking it. 

Nimueh’s eyes darkened and widened microscopically for a brief moment. But then relaxed and she took a deep breath. 

“. . . This must be disturbing to you.” she told the queen. 

“Well, yes. And I don’t necessarily believe this to be a prophetic dream but . . . that’s the thing. I don’t know what to believe and that’s why I’m coming to you.” 

“I don’t believe it to be one either. A prophetic dream. I’ve been witnessing Uther’s love for you before-” Nimueh paused as she was saying this, her voice caught in her throat like a cape on a thorn. 

She closed her eyes. “Before you were.” she finished. 

“. . . then what do you think it is?” questioned Ygraine, bluntly. 

“I think . . . are you by any chance menstruating right now?” 

Ygraine frowned. “No . . . actually, now that you’ve mentioned it, I’m a fair bit late, it’s been over a month and a half since . . .” 

Nimueh’s expression was unreadable. “Right. Uhh, I think what you’re experiencing is probably a natural result of someone who is settling into their marriage. I think your subconscious brain is realizing before your conscious that you’re going to be where you are . . . forever-I’m sorry, my Lady, I really am not feeling well, could I possibly beg your pardon?” 

Nimueh looked like she was unwell, that was for certain. 

“Certainly.” Ygraine agreed, and Nimueh retreated, holding a hand to her head. 

The queen hoped she was alright. As well as herself. She wasn’t satisfied with her answer but that was . . . odd. Nimueh had never lied to her before. And if she had, she’d apparently been quite good at it because Ygraine didn’t know. 

But for whatever reason, Ygraine felt like she’d just been lied to. 

~ 

That was when she started drinking that day. She filled wine glass after wine glass, not fully realizing how much she was really consuming. Ygraine was no stranger to alcohol, she jokingly referred to it as her first love. A joke Uther didn’t appreciate. 

Uther wasn’t home all day and that made her want to drink more. She was able to attend every event she had to, relatively cognizant but she could feel Nimueh’s eyes on her. The queen’s drinking problem was an open secret, but among her friends it didn’t have to be. It was just open. 

~ 

Uther came home late that night to a queen unconsolable. Her hair was an unbound mess around her shoulders and her blue eyes were haunted as she raked thin, trembling hands through it. This had happened before but they’d agreed it wouldn’t happen again. 

He went to her, still in full plate, because when he’d heard his wife had gotten dead drunk and locked herself in their chambers, his priority was just getting to her and making sure she was still alive. 

His concern was yet increased with the knowledge that . . . she was pregnant. If Nimueh had gone through with it. She didn’t know that yet but she was. 

He felt Ygraine’s hand smack his armored chest and he gently wrapped his arms around her as she sat on her knees on the floor. 

She was crying, or at least that’s what he thought the howling sounds emerging from her throat were. 

“Shh, shh . . . what was it this time?” He asked her. 

“You’re gonna fucking kill me, aren’t you?” She sobbed. 

Uther froze for a moment. He’d been having dreams where she died . . . Nimueh told him there was a chance but they’d agreed it was his life they were gambling with, not hers. 

“Of course not. Did someone tell you that?” He asked her. 

“No . . . I just . . . th-think so.” 

“Well, stop thinking it, that’s utter nonsense,” He insisted, brushing some of her pale, wavy hair out of her face. “Let me get you to bed, okay?” 

She looked like she thought about fighting him on it but she leaned into his chest and let him pick her up into his arms. 

“Okay . . .” She agreed. 

And he took her to bed and peeled the sweat-slick clothes off her shaking body. He removed his armor and laid down next to her, holding her close. And eventually, she stopped shaking. Eventually she stopped crying. 

This had happened before, but never exactly this way. He’d never seemed like the enemy to her when she got like this. 

And so for the next nine months, this event couldn’t help but stick in the back of the king’s mind before she gave birth. 

And after. Much more so after. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, idk what prompted me to write this.


End file.
